I grew up in a family, like many, where money was scarce. My mom was a real estate agent after she left the army, and one thing about real estate is it isn’t consistent, so living paycheck to paycheck was a struggle since we had no clue when the next paycheck would actually be.
My dad was either working graveyard shifts for the party differential or working 2 jobs to help the family stay afloat between my mom’s paychecks.
Funny how my mom never felt the need to work 2 jobs…
Because the family budget was so tight, new clothes were a rarity. Some back to school shopping sprees were done at goodwill, others at various factory outlet malls.
But regardless where my clothes came from, it was expected that I was meant to make them last the entire school year and beyond as much as possible.
I remember one year I was given 2 pairs of pants and expected to make that work. Well, we were working with glue in school one day, and I wiped some excess glue off my hands onto my pants, which in itself isn’t a big deal, but then I made the mistake of wearing that same pair of pants to school the next day. One of the popular boys noticed my glue hand print and made fun of me for not owning enough pants to make it through the week.
Because new (or new to me- as the case often was) clothes were so rare, I often wouldn’t have any “extra” clothes lying around for when the class or girl scouts or church groups would do events such as tie dye. And because money was so tight I wasn’t allowed to buy a new shirt to tie dye. My options for these occasions were often a bandana, one of my dad’s old undershirts, or the occasional white scrunchy I might have found.
I was never allowed to let kids sign my t-shirts on the last day of school.
I usually did it anyway.
And suffered the consequences when I got home.
I was pretty much always taught that clothes are worn how you buy them. You can’t paint, draw, color, cut, or tie dye clothes that you buy.
That mentality started to shift for me in my twenties. I had a bunch of t-shirts that didn’t quite fit- they were either too big or too small- but I didn’t want to throw them away. So, I began experimenting.
I remember one t-shirt that was too big I cut the back up and tied it back together, which removed about 4 extra inches of fabric and voila! Now it fit!
Another shirt was too small so I cut a straight line up the back and then grabbed a crochet hook and thin yarn and made my own lace back to the t-shirt. It turned out really cute and gave me the breathing room I needed to be comfortable in the shirt!
Every project I worked on, with the goal of making these items last a bit longer, was met with disdain from my mother and contempt from my father.
Mind you, they weren’t buying me clothes anymore, but they were certainly vocal about how I was ruining my wardrobe.
I wish I could say this habit is gone.
Actually, no, I don’t wish I could say that, ha!
I’m proud to say this habit is still alive and well!
The problem with being plus sized is many souvenir t-shirts from concerts and travels are severely limited in size options, so over the past few years I’ve taken to “customizing” my souvenir t-shirts. I’ll always wear them once without any changes so that way I know exactly what needs to be fixed- tight neckline, small sleeves, etc. But usually before the second wear, I’ve mutilated it completely.
Well, I “ruined” a hoodie yesterday.
You see, when I grabbed this hoodie to wear for the entirety of my work shift, I just didn’t feel comfortable. I tried wiggling around in it to figure out what exactly was uncomfortable about it and I realized- I felt claustrophobic because the neckline was a smidge too small.
I sighed and thought I have to grin and bear it. I can’t ruin a hoodie after all!
And then I looked myself in the mirror and thought is it really ruining it if I’m simply doing something that will make it more comfortable and allow me to wear it more often?
So, I grabbed my scissors and made a simple one inch cut at the neckline before I could talk myself out of it.
And then I took a deep breath because I realized-
That one inch cut made all the difference
I could breathe in this hoodie!
I laughed to myself and wondered why I had ever thought that I had to keep it pristine but not wear it, when I could “ruin” it and make it something I would want to wear often!
I had to remind myself that the clothes I own I bought with my own money, which means I’m allowed to do with them as I please- I can cut, tie, or otherwise mutilate them to my hearts desire if it will help me want to wear them more often.
Give yourself permission to ruin your clothes every once in awhile. Not everything needs to be perfect and pristine.
Trovando La Mia Voce 