“Read More”

I know this is many people’s New Years Resolution every year. Hell, in the past I’ve had the same resolution! The year that I was focused on reading, I told myself I’d read 12 books- one per month- and I ended up reading 7 before March ended, and then my world imploded and I didn’t read another book for over two years.

I didn’t consider myself a failure that year. Even though I didn’t read the goal of 12, I still managed to read 7 books more than the previous year. Hell, seven books was probably more than I’d read the previous 5 years combined. And, I was offering myself grace and forgiveness, as again- my life imploded. I had to make a lot of changes very fast for survival, and reading was something I couldn’t set aside time for anymore.

Plus not to mention the lingering trauma of being the nerdy girl with her nose stuck in a book, or being told by significant others that reading was stupid or I was wasting time by just sitting there, doing nothing.

Unfortunately pretty much every reader I know has some sort of trauma revolving how much they read and being considered an outcast.

Think of the scene in Beauty and the Beast where Belle is introduced as she reads a book walking through town saying hello to everyone. She’s friendly, jovial, making conversation with everyone, but the villagers respond by calling her strange and peculiar, dazed, a bookworm, never part of any crowd, a puzzle, her nose stuck in a book, rather odd, different from the rest of us, etc (these are descriptions from the song Belle from Beauty and the Beast). Even though she’s described as the most beautiful woman in the village, she’s a common point of ridicule for the villagers.

As much as many of us are ridiculed for reading, often reading is an escape for many of us. I was neglected and emotionally abused growing up, so reading offered me a world that I could slip into away from the hell I was enduring. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with many friends growing up, so The Baby-sitters Club became my best- friends. I hated my home environment, so being able to escape into the fantastic world of Hush Hush and fall in love with a fallen angel, or even slip into the realm of The Black Jewels Trilogy and challenge my religious upbringing was often the highlight of my day.

Escapism became my coping technique.

I sometimes wonder if part of the reason I stopped reading was beyond “I don’t have time” and actually began to slip more into the realm of “My reality is better than fantasy” which meant I no longer needed the escape, because I escaped the toxic environments I kept finding myself in.

My New Years Resolution last year was not to read more, but I had joined a book club and that reignited a love of reading that I realize I had neglected for several years. I was reading a good mix- autobiographies, self help, fiction, etc. I ended up reading 65 books last year!

This year, my resolution is not to read more, contrary to the title of this blog. In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure how 65 can be met let alone beat.

I know people who set goals of reading 100 books a year and all I can think is they aren’t actually absorbing anything, they’re just so focused on reading and the book count that they are either reading nothing but fluff and not challenging themselves, or they are reading so fast that nothing really sticks.

And yes, the book snob in me wants to say “books on tape don’t count” when you’re trying to read 100 books.

I used to work next to a woman who’s goal was to read 100 books a year. Often she wouldn’t actually be working, she’d just be at her desk reading.

To those who have decided to read more this year, good luck! I hope you choose some really good books!

To those who haven’t read a book since high school (you’re not alone. 33% of Americans don’t read another book after graduating high school) maybe this year could be the year you finish a book?

And to those trying to read 100 or more books this year, may the odds be ever in your favor!